BREAKING: First Fruits on Pluto

(From left to right: Astronaut Samantha Lawrence the apple, Doug Clark the Kiwi, Charon)

On Friday afternoon, in Art class, while the other students where contently drawing pictures of pears and cones and grapes and whatnot on iPads in the library, I was guiding a mission to land the first fruits on Pluto.

After much sweating, teeth gritting, hand clenching and pen tapping, the fruits' vessel finally touched down. I withheld my clapping and cheering, however, because I was in a library.

The mission was not over yet; as astounding as the feat already was, there was still more to be done. You see, it was a special occasion. On the day of Friday, February 8th, was the fifth annual Things That Aren't Planets Convention, or TTAPCon. Annual meaning once every Plutonian year, that is; the last TTAPCon was about 250 Earth years ago.

The above picture was taken on the surface of Pluto, once Pluto's sister-moon, Charon, was in sight. The picture was the objective of the mission; it served as documentation of the historic event. It was released to the public hours ago, and already skeptics and conspiracy theorists are picking apart the picture for any and all evidence of fraudulence. More updates to follow.

UPDATE 2/18/2013: INTERVIEW WITH CAMERA

During a video interview with the crew's camera, whom wishes to remain anonymous, it was admitted that this was not the actual photo of the astronauts on Pluto.

"Don't get me wrong, though, they were still on Pluto and stuff," the camera had said. "But I was out of memory from all the pictures the astronauts were taking of themselves making funny faces, so I had to draw a rough approximation of the scene on a tablet."

The rest of the interview the turned into a discussion of the camera's artistic talent:

You said earlier that you had used oil pastels to draw similar pictures in the past. How similar was that to drawing on a tablet?

Well, I found it somewhat limiting. The blending options were a bit wonky, in my opinion. You may notice in the picture that there are some abrupt changes in shading, and that is primarily why. It was also difficult to find the right colors. For the shading, I had to find a color lighter than the one I had been using. Sometimes my selections would end up being too pale or too much towards one side of the color spectrum. With oil pastels, there are only so many options for color.

What did you feel this picture accomplished?

For about eight days, the entire world was fooled that this was an actual photograph. I found it flattering that so many were fooled by my artistic ability, especially when all I had to work with was an iPad.

What did you learn from drawing the picture?

I learned that using styli is quite different from using fingers. Even though, being a camera, I have been known to use fingers as styli in the past.

How is technology important in art?

Technology is quite a broad term. To many, paper and pencils are technology. Perhaps, without technology, the highest form of art would be cave drawings. But then some might argue that sharp rocks are technology, which is debatable.

Regarding Various Evil Cats and Deadly Illnesses

A week or two ago, I was assigned my first project for my Art class, which was to draw a skeleton of a cartoon character. In addition to it being my first Art project, it was also the first Art project in which I contracted a sickness during the time it was due. It was a harrowing and gruesome plague; I ended up eating my own leg and crawling down the road, making abhorrent attempts at a dolphin noise at all the irritated drivers that stopped around me.

I struggled through those long, painful days of groggily wondering what the plural of esophagus was and what it would be like to have a third eye on your hand, barely making it out alive. And in celebration of my survival, and the one week anniversary of this post being due, I present to you my first blog post, first completed art project, and the first art project I finished while I was sick; ladies and gentlemen: Ebeneezer the cat!

(Disclaimer: Note that the use of the phrase "one week anniversary" is fallacious. The prefix "anni-" in "anniversary" means "year", also seen in words like "annual", the Latin "anno", and similarly in the Spanish "año" therefore using the word "anniversary" to describe anything other than a celebration of something that happened on a past year's corresponding date is an oxymoron. Such speech should not be used without the supervision of a professional bad speaker, or else one could risk prosecution by vocabulary elitists.)

There he is, the evil mastermind half of the cartoon "Two Lumps". I noticed about half way through that his skeleton was a bit realistic and I could have chosen something more interesting to draw the skeleton of. I vaguely remember pondering on the thought of doing the Pixar lamp. Alas, I figured that would have probably been cheating, and frankly, in my sick daze of dolphin noises and esophagi, I couldn't be bothered. Of course I blame my own cat anyway, who was watching over me sternly as I drew.

Other than that, however, I think he turned out great. It's hard to judge - seeing as I do not draw skeletons terribly often - how good I think this ranks among my other drawings, but I think I would give it 5/5 esophagi.